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From the Depths of the Dryer

Ever end up in bed at the end of the day wondering how you got there?  I’ve packed my schedule full to bursting, and had to pursue my plans in an all out sprint that no amount of caffeine could fuel, on  a regular basis.  Then somehow I end up in bed at the end of the night with almost no physical evidence of having actually accomplished anything.   The futility of the battle I wage against the constant deluge of dishes, laundry, diapers, broken crayons and other clutter has beaten me down more than once.  I have even called out to God from the depths of a pile of fresh-from-the-dryer whites, “Why?!  Why do You have me here?!  This is it for me?!  This is Your best?!”  I felt like a modern Solomon, living out his reflection in Ecclesiastes 2:11 that, “Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.”

Admittedly, my internal monologue is a bit dramatic, but I hope it gives a glimpse into my daily struggle with what my purpose is here.

If I’m looking at my situation from a purely rational perspective, someone has to maintain my home and care for my family so it might as well be me.  This reason doesn’t do much for me emotionally since surely there must be some sort of robot or trained monkey that could accomplish the same mind-numbingly repetitive, menial tasks, probably with twice the efficiency.   I mean, if all this is supposed to be my purpose shouldn’t it feel a little more… purposeful?  It would seem either God has forgotten He left me here, which I can’t seem to support with scripture, or He has placed me in my current circumstances intentionally, which on my difficult days can feel like a punishment.

In his letter to the Roman church, Paul includes a paraenesis, which is a standard feature of a biblical epistle.  (Paraenesis: list of moral exhortations, epistle: a letter.  Now go impress someone.)  Basically, he spends some time telling the Gentile and Jewish Christians to whom he’s writing  how they should be acting.  He writes in Romans 12:11: “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord” (NIV).  I’ve been marinating this verse in my mind for about a month now.

Originally, I had thought it was just about not getting burned-out serving in ministry; that the sacrifice of our time should be an outpouring of our zeal for the Lord, and not a duty we begrudgingly show up for.  I think this certainly applies and many of the commentaries I read would agree, but, as I have discovered time and again, the longer I spend thinking through and praying about a particular passage the deeper I am drawn in and the application I receive is more personal.

Another indication that He knows exactly where He’s placed me in this season of life.

This process of the Holy Spirit’s personal illumination of scripture has also taught me to hold off on reading what the brilliant commentators have found until my not-so-brilliant self  has figured out what I’m supposed to find.  I am not saying that scripture means different things to different people, but that the application of the verse to our lives can be individualistic; our God is personal and longs to be intimately involved in our lives.  The Holy Spirit will also not show us any application in our life that contradicts any other part of scripture, so that needs to be kept in mind as we approach the living Word as well.

Anyway, it shouldn’t be any surprise that what I found spoke directly to my situation of feeling worn out under the futility of my day to day life.

“Never be lacking in zeal.”  Never? Like, never ever?  Not even when I have picked up the living room for the tenth time today, or the laundry I finally finished putting away Tuesday is back to overflowing by Thursday?  Zeal is defined as, “Great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or an objective.”  There is nothing about doing dishes that I find even remotely energizing or worth being enthusiastic about.  It definitely feels like I’m in pursuit of something (my sanity?!), even if the pursuit feels like I’m sprinting on a treadmill trying to actually gain ground.

I’m then exhorted to “keep my spiritual fervor.”  I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t doing it, so I looked at the cross reference listed in my study Bible which took me to Acts 18:25.

The Acts of the Apostles, or Acts as it’s commonly referred to, serves the purpose of recording a selective history of the early church.  This particular verse is part of a mini-biography on Apollos, a Jew who was an eloquent speaker that had traveled to Alexandria to speak and teach about Jesus.  Verse 25 tells us that Apollos, “being fervent in spirit… spoke and taught accurately the things concerning Jesus though he knew only the baptism of John” (emphasis mine).  Later, some more mature Christians heard him speaking boldly at the synagogue and took him aside and helped fill in the rest of the story of Christ he was missing.   Apollos didn’t know the whole story, but he was committed to being faithful to God’s call on his life and to trust in the truth of what he did know.  He also willingly accepted the guidance of the man and woman God placed in his life to clarify his teaching.

The definition of fervent is, “Having or displaying a passionate intensity.”  Apollos couldn’t see the big picture, but he was intensely passionate for what God was setting before him.   This gives me hope as both a student of the Word as well as a mom!  Not knowing the whole story of my purpose does not keep me from being able to passionately live out where God has called me to be today.  I have the opportunity to use the resources and story He has given me to the best of my ability right now, and He will fill in the missing pieces on His timing.  This is exciting!

Well it was at least, right up until I walked past the kids’ bathroom and was stopped in my tracks by the stench of stale urine.  Time to clean up someone’s apparently anonymous accident, again.  I bet Apollos didn’t have to deal with this mess.  I would probably have more spiritual fervor too if I was doing something exhilarating and fulfilling like he was.  Looks like I need to get back to our key verse.

The last section of the verse we’re looking at says simply, “serve the Lord.”  Now here is where I had my palm-smacks-forehead moment.  Who am I serving?  The Lord.  Not my husband, kids, schedule, or personal ambition.  I need to remember this service to Him is my true motivation, regardless of the circumstance.  No matter how tedious or routine my daily life seems I need to be claiming this work as entrusted to me by God, trusting He has a purpose in it both for my good and to benefit others.  My purpose isn’t just about making me feel fulfilled; it’s about bringing God glory.  “For from him and through him and to him are all things.  To God be glory forever” (Romans 11:36, ESV).  Each and every task I face in any facet of my life has something to do with His overall plans for me.

So how will this understanding of motivation impact my daily grind?  Fortunately for us, verse twelve providentially follows verse eleven, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (Romans 12:12, ESV).  These are spiritual tools that will empower me to have zeal and passion for my work in service to the Lord.  I will look for ways to find joy in my job with the hope that what I am doing is bringing glory to God (Romans 5:2).  I need to choose to have patience through this season because the Lord wants me to endure so that when I have accomplished His will I will receive what He has promised (Hebrews 10:36).

I can look to Jesus as my perfect example of what choosing joy and endurance looks like in its most pure form, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2b, emphasis mine).  He despised the task set before Him, and yet He did it with joy and endurance and He received the highest place of honor.  If Christ could love me and endure a cross for me before I even knew Him, when I was still choosing my sin over Him, then surely I can find ways to get through my housework with some rejoicing.

However, I can’t just mentally flip a switch tomorrow that my new found passion in life is vacuuming.  I could just repeat in my head, “this sucks, in a good way!  I’m really enjoying myself and finding so much fulfillment right now.  Glory be!”  But it would be a (very) superficial attempt at joy.  To evoke true joy in my life I’m going to need to be constantly in prayer that God would not just change my attitude but change my heart toward my current position in life as well. Lord, give us zeal to serve you with passion and see purpose in any task you set before us!

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”  

1 Corinthians 15:58

I’m sure stay at home moms are not the only ones who assess the lasting value of their immediate work.  What is your current situation?  How do you see the command to live life with zeal and spiritual fervor serving the Lord play out in your practical day to day?

6 thoughts on “From the Depths of the Dryer”

  1. “Serve the Lord” it’s so freaking simple when He puts it that way. Once again I am blessed by your blog, just don’t have anything intellectually stimulating to add here. Love you

  2. I have lived this life, had 4 kids in 5 years at a very young age. I gave them chores as early as 3, helping me help them. We were a team. They all felt good that they were part of the family and wanted to help after a time. I spent many a night crying myself to sleep, alone and left to do it all by myself as my husband worked nights and was gone from 3pm to midnight, then had to sleep until 11 am. How about keeping 4 toddlers quiet until 11am? I did not have any relatives to take the kids for a day, and I did not drive a car until I was 25. We walked everywhere, to the store with a wagon to carry the groceries, to the laundromat to do laundry. My little soldiers walked together holding hands. We took our lunch becuase we coudln’t afford to eat out. I prayed every day, whats going to become of me. I am doing all I can to keep up the house and take care of my children. At one point I even thought my Grandma had come to visit me- she died the year my first child was born! She told me to comb my hair and wash my face and learn to laugh more. I was 22 and felt like a drudge! LIke you, I sought out God to help me. My children were all I had to console me and they were but babies themselves. I found that if I made monday laundry day, then tuesday mopping day, wed. dusting day, and so forth I could handle the house better. I had to wash diapers by hand in the bath tub, and hang them outside. I cut my own hair, and if it weren’t for my Mother sending me clothes, I would not have had more than 2 changes in a year. I loved being outside, it seemed I was closer to God there and lifted up my spirits. the kids did too, so we walked a lot in the mornings. The childrens accomplishments seemed to help me alot. They were my gifts from God and I loved them so much. We grew up together and now they are in their 50’s and we are still so close and I thank God for all those days together.
    It gets better as they get older, You will accomplish so much in so little time. Patience is a virtue and perfection is a waste of your energy. Love you very much, Jeanie

  3. Aleah! This was my favorite one of your posts so far! It really encouraged me! Thank you! This is one I need to read over and over again!

  4. Oh man, can I relate to the feelings of wondering if this is my purpose, why don’t I feel a little more purposeful! Thank you for this encouraging post. I have been caught up in the mundane lately and listening a little bit to the enemy’s whisper that I should really be resentful and dissatisfied about it.

    I’m doing the Beth Moore study right now about the fruits of the Spirit, and last week was JOY. It was a good reminder that I don’t have to find my joy in washing clothes or potty training. I can find my joy in my Savior and His plan for my life!

    Nice to ‘meet’ you and thanks for sharing your thoughts/feelings about this!

    1. Hey Megan! Nice to “meet” you too! Funny you mentioned Beth Moore’s “Living Beyond Yourself” study, that is one of my absolute favorites. God brought it to me at the perfect time nearly 5 years ago when I was in a place of such complete luke-warm complacency in my walk that I didn’t even realize I was just on auto-pilot through life. It was my first wake up call that I didn’t know everything there was to know about the Bible. After spending more time digging deeper into God’s word and daily realizing how little I truly know, it is hilarious that I could have ever believed that! I’m so thankful for the perspective He continues to bless me with as I commit to pursuing him. My favorite Beth Moore quote, “Pursue the Caller, not the calling, and you will run smack into your calling.” I think about it often as I continue down this path He’s set me on as a gauge of my heart and priorities. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like for every step I take forward, every post I publish, the next day is spent feeling totally attacked and downcast. Do you ever experience that?

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